There is a way out of every problem, and more than one. You constantly have to make a choice between alternative options. What guides us in this? Why do some decisions come with ease, while others weigh heavily?
Probably due to the fact that our life values are higher than profit, and even a positive result does not bring internal satisfaction if it goes against them. How to correctly determine our goals and life values so that they do not contradict each other? After all, everyone wants to be proud of their actions, and not suffer from remorse.
The role of life values for a person
Subconscious - what is it, definition
Psychologists call the values in a person’s life an “inner compass” against which he checks his daily actions. When there are certain internal attitudes, it is much easier for an individual to make the right decisions and determine his life productively. In turn, they influence the formation of personality in a certain way. How this happens can be concluded using basic traditional schemes:
- Love for children and family - responsibility and the ability to care for others are formed.
- The desire for a successful career develops determination and discipline.
- The need for spiritual development shapes morality and intellect.
- The desire to improve health promotes an active lifestyle.
- Rejection of deception, betrayal, and meanness is interpreted as the highest manifestations of decency and sincerity.
Important! Personality begins to form in childhood, so it is advisable to become familiar with basic values as early as possible. You shouldn’t think that small children don’t understand anything, the example of adults should be before your eyes, then it will become the norm of life.
Self-development
Development of psychological and social skills, personal growth. Category of development of individual characteristics. Personal growth leads to conscious conclusions and increased attention to loved ones and others. Social skills mean the ability to behave in society, to find a common language with different people. Psychological skills - dealing with your fears, controlling emotions, clarity of thoughts. People immediately appear next to a person when he monitors the manifestations of his feelings and is attentive to those around him.
How life values are created
Mental rigidity - what is it, definition
Psychologists argue that reasoning about basic life values is accessible even to a small child, since they are similar to the rules that organize a person’s life. Therefore, the sooner acquaintance with the norms accepted in society begins, the easier it is for the child to learn and accept values.
The main thing to remember! It is almost impossible to change your views and beliefs in adulthood. For example, if a person has lived a difficult life, and at the end he realized that it turned out wrong, then it will be too late to change anything.
Family is the first and main source of knowledge about life values for children
There are several stages in the formation of a value system:
- At the first stage, the main authority for the child is the parents. It is under their influence that the first significant principles and model of behavior are laid. If a child is raised correctly, then the values are ordered, then it is clear how to set priorities correctly. Unfortunately, mistakes in upbringing lead to the formation of false values.
- As you grow older, kindergarten and school play a big role in setting value priorities. Education is considered a key stage, as children begin to form beliefs and judgments, for example, about the norms and rules of behavior at school, and make an adequate assessment of events and actions, the abilities of their own and others. The student’s position begins to be determined by subjects that provide knowledge about the basic laws of life: literature, biology, natural science.
- In the future, the formation of life priorities is influenced by the social environment, which not only dictates certain rules, but also condemns an individual who shows a different life position.
- In adulthood, values can be revised, as the suffering and adversities of life allow us to understand more deeply our views and beliefs. At the moment of realizing that they do not coincide with generally accepted stereotypes, they are rethought.
Basic values of human life
The question that concerns young people with little life experience is which values are the main ones in life and which are secondary. Psychologists call these thoughts a problem in setting life priorities. They propose, from a huge list of universal human values, to identify unique beacons on the path of young people, which consist of basic guidelines:
- Spiritual development;
- Family;
- Health;
- Financial position;
- Career;
- Rest;
- Self-development;
- Environment.
It doesn’t hurt to listen to the advice of experts, but you should still keep in mind that for each person, life values are personal, individual, and their arrangement may differ from the generally accepted one. Much comes from childhood, since the ideals of life come to the individual through the transformation (adjustments) of parental values.
A helper for young people in finding priorities can be the synton approach, that is, the psychology of common sense for healthy people: personal life and relationships, business (business, work), personal development
Important! If you correctly raise a child using the example of universal human virtues, then it is not difficult to form the right guidelines in him. Then he will respect friendship and love, maintain spiritual and physical health, learn to have compassion for people and animals, altruism and decency will not be alien to him, that is, all the qualities that fill life with meaning.
True and false life values
There are values that most people consider basic; psychologists call them true. In modern society, it is accepted that an accomplished person must build a career, start a family, and acquire material wealth in order to ensure a comfortable existence for himself and his loved ones. Of course, all this is important, but on the condition that a person acquires all the benefits through his work, diligence, and abilities. But every value has some downside. In psychology, this phenomenon is defined as false values. They arise due to the irrepressible desire to possess what seems most important to a person.
For example, it is now customary to consider an individual successful if he has an expensive car, the latest brand of iPhone, and the opportunity to vacation abroad. If it is not possible to obtain such benefits, a person with false guidelines experiences disappointment in universal human values.
Relationships
Children, family, general understanding. A long, stable relationship of a loving couple. The question of fathers and children, eternal friendship and loved ones. Included in this category is the value of relationships with other people in general. In addition, there is love here, but it has a different character, not passionate, but caring, affectionate and respectful. It is the joy of meeting your children and spouse after a long day at work. This is patient sons helping elderly parents when they are unable to cope even with ordinary tasks.
Factors influencing the rethinking of life values
Self-control - what is it in psychology, definition
As a rule, situations arise in human life that entail a rethinking of life values. All of them are associated with positive or negative emotional shocks. The list is endless, but psychologists highlight the most important factors that make you think about reassessing priorities:
- Death of a loved one;
- Marriage and birth of a child;
- Dangerous disease;
- Financial difficulties;
- Unrequited love;
- The onset of old age;
- Career collapse.
A striking example of rethinking priorities is the situation when a person who is accustomed to living alone starts a family. He begins a new life, the main thing is not his career, but harmonious family relationships, love for his spouse and children.
Adverse life events can sometimes be beneficial for a person who has trouble prioritizing life. They help you find true values and meaning in life.
Another example is financial difficulties that force a person to look at the world with different eyes and look for options to get out of a critical situation. Psychologists give many examples when an individual completely reconsiders his views on money, material wealth, and his environment.
An illness, especially if it is considered dangerous, also forces you to reconsider your views on the values of life. The main thing for the patient is health, the ability to enjoy every day he lives, everything else is unimportant.
Many examples can be given when those values that were once considered secondary are brought to the fore, and, conversely, the main ones turn out to be not so significant.
Important! Some events, even negative ones, must be treated very carefully, as they can give impetus to rethinking life ideals. Even the sensations that arise from certain events may lead to a desire to reconsider them and set new priorities.
Dissatisfaction with life
There are times when a person experiences dissatisfaction with his activities. It has been noticed that when work becomes a burden, dissatisfaction begins to spread to other areas of life, for example, family. All this dissatisfaction gives rise to doubts about the correctness of any actions. People around them can convince a person to ignore dissatisfaction and consider it temporary. If you seek psychological help during this period, any specialist will say that it is best to reconsider your beliefs and principles.
Too much self-criticism
At the moment of reassessing life priorities, which happens to almost everyone at one time or another in life, psychologists warn about excessive self-criticism. Criticism in some cases is even useful, but it should not go beyond limits, since too much can undermine self-esteem and faith in success. Excessive self-criticism is a sign of internal contradictions that should be identified and dealt with.
At a certain stage in life, a person needs to reconsider his life values in order to return to a comfortable existence. To a greater extent, this is facilitated by a complex psychological state
Pessimistic attitude towards everything that happens
Often, self-doubt or lack of prospects prevents you from setting priorities correctly. Psychologists identify the main difference between people who lack self-confidence and those around them – indecision. As a result, a person commits actions that contradict his inner beliefs, but “everyone does this.” Pessimism leads to the fact that at one moment a person concludes: the priorities set under the influence of society do not at all coincide with the true ones that are most important to him. Such insight can lead to a pessimistic attitude, or it can become an impetus for changing your views on the world.
All-encompassing boredom
Sometimes, oddly enough, a boring existence leads to a revision of life values. A person does not show initiative in relation to his life and begins to go with the flow. According to psychologists, most often this condition appears when priorities are set incorrectly and false values come to the fore. For example, a person has strived for material well-being all his life and, indeed, has achieved great success in this field: an apartment, a dacha, a car, a position (he achieved everything he wanted). But the realization comes that he missed the most important thing. Any specialist will tell you that it is necessary to realize the priority values and decide on the goal, then an interest in life will appear.
Physiology
Health, beauty, development in harmony. Slenderness, concern for appearance, good physical shape, the ability to dance and grace - all these are physiological life values that are located on the border of two categories. The development of the body and attention to one’s health leads to the development of personality, so it comes into contact with the category of self-development. These values simultaneously influence relationships with the opposite sex, so the category “Relationships and personal life” develops in parallel.
Examples of human life values
To understand the important role of life values, it is useful to more often turn to situations that people do not always notice and consider them ordinary. Here is an example from life: volunteers in orphanages or nursing homes believe that by providing invaluable help to others, they experience deep moral satisfaction. Psychologists explain this by saying that good deeds release hormones of joy (dopamine, serotonin) into the blood. Not everyone can become a volunteer; the values of life should be so high that they see their goal in helping others and feel satisfaction from this.
To achieve knowledge of the priorities that are important to you, psychologists advise starting with something simple, making a list of the most significant ones and implementing them immediately
There are many examples of setting life priorities: for some, the goal may be the desire to conquer mountain peaks, cross oceans, or invent new technologies; for others, the desire for a quiet family life, raising children, or mastering a favorite profession is enough. Still others believe that career, business, success are the true purpose of life.
Psychology gives important, at the same time simple advice to those who are rushing around in search of priorities in their lives. Determining your values is not as easy as it seems at first glance. Therefore, you can start by simply compiling a list of values, then select from it the most significant ones for yourself, which you need to strive for right now.
Stability
Comfort, money, home. This group concerns a stable life and order. It concerns two concepts at once. “Comfort, money, home” are necessary for a family, and also support proper rest. Secondly, the financial issue affects the category “Work, business, business”. To furnish their new apartment, the newlyweds go to Ikea. They are forced to spend a lot of time there because everything they want is too expensive and their budget is limited.
Examples of priorities
To make it clearer what life values are, let’s look at examples from life.
- If a person’s main priority is family, he will take care of loved ones and provide help even when they are not asked for it. He devotes a lot of time to his household, will prefer an extra day off instead of working overtime, and may deny himself material goods for the sake of the comfort of his partner or children.
- What does it mean if life values include the desire to achieve a high position and professional success? This suggests that the individual will do everything possible to ensure rapid career growth. Such people strive to constantly learn, are not afraid of irregular schedules, and will do anything to achieve their goals. Because of an important meeting, they quietly miss a family holiday.
- If health comes first, then people lead a healthy lifestyle, try to maintain a clear daily routine and eat right. They undergo regular examinations, periodically sign up for preventive and rehabilitation procedures, and at the slightest deterioration in their health, they rush to visit a doctor.
- Spiritual development can be a value in life. It is important for such people to attend psychological trainings, where work is carried out on the inner world of the individual, travel to places of pilgrimage and constantly work on the development of the soul.
- People for whom the realization of creative potential is of paramount importance usually do not engage in everyday life. They do not attach importance to such trifles as unwashed dishes or lack of dinner; spiritual food is much more important to them. These are people who, in order to buy new paints, a musical instrument, or stage a play, can sacrifice all their savings.
5.Financial security
Money as such should not take first place in life. But society is structured in such a way that everyone needs a certain amount to feel protected. Therefore, finance is also included in the list of key priorities - as a means of achieving a certain level of security. Just don't let money control you. There is no need to kill yourself at work for the sake of your loved ones if this means that you will never have free time for them.
For some, the minimum is enough, others strive to constantly increase their wealth, but regardless of whether you are careful in financial matters or are willing to take risks for the sake of profit, you need a reserve that will provide reliable protection.
2.Friendship
Sometimes friends become closer than family members. However, for those who are lucky enough to be born into a wonderful family, reliable friends are also important. We tend to think that friendships happen on their own, but in order for them to grow stronger, it takes just as much effort as a romantic relationship.
We learn a lot from friends, we cry and laugh with them, we go to them for support and advice when trouble happens. It is much easier to lose a loyal friend than to find one, so we should highly value true friendship.
Lannister and Darth Vader
Let's follow the development and transformation of the values of Jaime Lannister and Darth Vader. Why was one of them able to become better, while the other, on the contrary, went over to the dark side?
At the origins of values formation
First, let's look into the childhood of our heroes. Jaime was born the heir to the noble and wealthy Lannister family, guardians of the West. His father recognized the power and influence of the family as the most important thing in life. “The honor of the family will live for centuries,” he said and did everything to achieve this. Following his values, the father instilled in his eldest son from childhood: “You are a Lannister,” investing great importance in these words.
The boy grew up swimming in luxury, and always got everything he wanted, since those around him were ready to fulfill his every whim. An excellent swordsman, a knight of the king, Jaime is used to winning and being the best in everything, because, as his father always said, he is a Lannister. Jaime believed that he could do whatever he wanted without caring about other people. So, he easily threw the little boy out of the window in order to keep the secret of his relationship with his sister. “What you won’t do for love,” was all Jaime said. And he really was ready for anything, since at that time the most important thing in his life was the woman he loved.
Unlike Jaime, little Anakin (the future Darth Vader) was born under completely different conditions. He was a slave and lived with his mother on the outskirts of the Galaxy. The boy’s values were formed largely under the influence of his mother, since she was the only person closest to him. Annie learned well his mother’s main lesson: “All the problems in the Universe are because no one helps anyone.” Therefore, the boy was always responsive to the difficulties of others and tried to help, without counting on any reward.
But he, like Jaime, was no stranger to ambition. Anakin realized that he was talented and capable of doing things that others could not do, for example, create the robot C-3PO or build a racing car. Unique abilities served as the basis for the development of another important value of the boy - the desire to be the best. Even then, Anakin believed that he deserved more, and over time this feeling only grew stronger.
So, we have seen how different conditions, and most importantly, different values of people who surround a child in childhood, contribute to the formation of different characters. Although it was important for both Jaime and Anaken to be the best in everything, for one this value was formed through the influence of family and father, and for the other - due to natural talent. At the same time, looking at his father, Jaime believed that he had the right to do whatever he wanted to achieve his goals, and Anakin always tried to help other people, as his mother taught him.
Let's imagine that the boys were swapped in their infancy: Jaime was sent to the outskirts of the Galaxy, and Anakin was given to be raised by a noble family. How would our heroes grow up then? Anakin would most likely become a real egoist under the influence of natural talents and the helpfulness of others. And vice versa, Jaime, raised by the mother of the future lord of darkness, could grow up to be a quiet and humble boy who does not have enough stars in the sky, but is always ready to help others.
In real life, a person’s values are also largely determined by the conditions in which he was born and the people who surrounded him in childhood. However, one should not blame parents and evil fate for all troubles. As we will see later, values are not something immutable; they are regularly transformed under the influence of circumstances, and most importantly, our actions and choices that we make every day. This means that at any moment we can change our lives.
Challenges drive change
So, our heroes have become adults. One served in the king's guard, the other fought the Sith and helped maintain peace in the Galaxy. Life went on as usual until the heroes faced trials that made them completely different people. Let's start with Jaime. During the War of Kings, Lannister was captured and spent about a year in a cage. To get a chance to return to his beloved, Jaime brutally dealt with another captive, his distant relative. With this act, Lannister showed that he would still stop at nothing to achieve his goals.
However, the time for change was already approaching. Change began with loss. Jaime's hand was cut off, the loss of which he barely survived. His world was destroyed, since the right hand for a swordsman means even more than for an ordinary person. In addition, the “golden boy” is not used to enduring hardships. As the girl knight who accompanied him said: “You have only slightly tasted real life, where the most important things are taken away from people.” Only after losing his arm did Lannister finally realize that, despite all his titles, he was vulnerable and could also become a victim of injustice and cruel treatment, which means it is advisable not to treat others as you do not want to be treated. Justice and honor come first in the hierarchy of values of a knight.
This is clearly visible in the episode when Lannister saved his brother from prison, believing in his innocence, although he knew that the woman he loved, who had always been the most important thing in his life, dreamed of seeing Tyrion on the gallows.
Now let's try to figure out why Anakin turned into Darth Vader. It all started with prophetic dreams. One day, Skywalker saw in a dream his mother calling for help. He went to the planet where he spent his childhood to find her, but arrived too late. Mom died in his arms. Heartbroken, he was angry with himself for not coming sooner and found the easiest way to deal with his emotions. The young Jedi took his anger out on his mother's kidnappers, killing them all, including women and children. The first act that is hardly worthy of a true Jedi. Then Anakin, of course, was very worried about what he had done. But the doors were open to values alien to the young Jedi. Having given in to anger once, Skywalker was much easier to follow his emotions in the future. From that moment the hero's tossing began.
The second turning point in the life of the young Jedi was another dream. Now death during childbirth threatened Anakin's beloved wife. Fear for the family completely took over the future father. He longed for only one thing - to save his wife, and for this he was ready to do anything. Succumbing to fear, Anakin saved the main villain from the Jedi Master. As a result, the latter was killed, and Anakin made the final choice. He crossed over to the side of darkness with both feet, and then slammed the door behind him, killing, on the orders of the future Emperor, not only many Jedi, but also little innocent students.
Anakin got lost in his doubts and fears and as a result chose the wrong path, becoming a dark lord. Giving in to his emotions, Skywalker did not notice how the value of “family well-being,” for which he took the path of darkness, was quietly supplanted by the thirst for power. “I will bring peace to my empire, we can rule the Galaxy together, everything will be as we want,” Anakin said to his beloved wife after all these events and was even ready to kill her when she refused to share his ideas.
We, too, often succumb to the influence of emotions and commit actions that we later regret. And let us not turn into real villains. But the more often we make choices under the influence of fear or hatred, the more we are sucked into the swamp into which we once accidentally put our foot and from which we really want to get out.
As for Lannister, he managed to draw the right conclusions from everything that happened to him. And the reason here is not only the injury received. An important role in transforming the knight’s values was played by his companion, who was assigned to guard him.
Influence of people around
If the loss of a hand became the impetus for change, then communication with the girl knight formed fertile ground for this process. Jaime saw that Brienne strictly followed the tenets of honor, and involuntarily began to respect her. He understood: for Brienne, honor is primarily her actions, and not the opinions of others. Even though everyone considered her involved in the death of King Renly, she knew that she was not guilty, and proudly continued to bear the title of knight.
Jaime himself, until this moment, rarely remembered honor, although previously this value was very important to him. Lannister came to terms with the role of "a man without honor" that society imposed on him after the murder of King Aegon. Remember, we discussed this principle in the first part of the article. Jaime saved the people from a crazy monarch who dreamed of burning the city. However, in doing so he violated his oath and earned only universal condemnation. Over time, he decided that there was no point in acting justly if those around you continued to stubbornly call you a “regicide” and look at you with contempt.
However, looking at Brienne, Jaime realized that the nickname "kingslayer" could not deprive him of honor if he maintained it in his actions. So the value, vegetating somewhere in the margins, again became the focus for the knight without an arm and served as the reason for many of his future actions.
Now back to Skywalker. There was also a person next to Anakin who, at the right moment, contributed to a change in his values. True, with a minus sign. Chancellor Palpatine (he is the real leader of the Sith and the future Emperor of the Galaxy) took care of the boy from the moment he appeared among the Jedi and became an important person in his life. The young Jedi listened to his patron, who, meanwhile, gently fanned the flames of emotions such as anger and hatred, and used the pride of the talented but inexperienced young man for his own purposes. Unlike Brienne, who helped Lannister take the right path, Palpatine, on the contrary, pushed Anakin to the side of darkness. Having learned that Skywalker was worried about his wife, the future Emperor promised that Anakin could save her if he learned the dark side of the force. In addition, the young man will have the opportunity to develop his abilities. “You always wanted to be something more,” the chancellor promised, playing on the strings of the young man’s pride.
In addition, at this time Anakin became disillusioned with the Jedi Order, who, in his opinion, did not always act fairly (another important value of the hero), and the teacher was not around, so the influence of the chancellor grew significantly.
However, the future Darth Vader did not give up immediately. Realizing that the Chancellor was the head of the Sith, Anakin told the Jedi about his secret patron, following the value of "justice". And perhaps the turning point would not have happened at all if the Jedi had not tried to kill the Chancellor instead of arresting him. Anakin could not allow this, since it contradicted his two main values at that time: a) this was his last link to saving Padme and b) this, again, was unfair. He knocked the sword out of the Jedi Master's hands and thereby helped Palpatine kill him.
Having analyzed the fates of two movie characters, we were convinced that the environment has a strong influence on our values and actions. This is especially noticeable in teenagers. “He’s a good boy, he just got involved with bad company,” people often say about some boy. However, even as we grow up, we follow the example of those around us. These people either stimulate us to move forward, or feed our not the best qualities, for example, idleness and laziness. Therefore, choose your friends and acquaintances very carefully so that one day you don’t end up somewhere you don’t want to be.
Only our choice determines our life
So, Jaime got better over time, and Anakin fell into darkness. In many ways, the changes in the lives of the heroes were caused by tragic circumstances and the people who were close to them at the time of trial. However, the decisive role was still played by the choice that the heroes made and their actions that they performed every day. They were able to change their lives at any moment, which is what Darth Vader did. At the end of his life, he turned back into Anakin when he realized that his son was about to die. His father saved Lucas from the Emperor and died not a Sith, but a Jedi.
This outcome shows that there are no irreversible actions: as long as a person lives and thinks, he can always change his values, and therefore his life. Although, the more time passes, the more difficult it is to do this.
Of course, in life everything is not as simple as in the movies. There are rarely clear villains or positive characters in it. However, the examples discussed, due to some exaggeration, help to better understand that it is important for a person to learn to determine his values. In times when we, like young Skywalker, are overwhelmed by the currents of feelings and doubts, previously defined values can be the rock that will help us stay on our chosen path and not allow the rolling waves to carry us into a future where we will be unhappy.
If Anakin had determined in advance that his main value was family, he would have been able to understand in time that his actions would alienate the woman he loved and would not contribute in any way to preserving this value. And Jaime would have found peace of mind much earlier if he had determined in time that honor was valuable to him and that it did not depend on the opinions of others.